a beautiful legacy

A year has gone by since my mom called to tell me about my grandma’s cancer diagnosis. I was at ArtPrize (which is a citywide art competition in Grand Rapids) with my new friends when I heard news that would change my life. I don’t recall the exact words that were said anymore, that part has been blocked from my memory, but I remember the exact place I stood while taking the call, and where my friends came to comfort me.

And now going back to this spot at ArtPrize one year later, it feels odd. Slightly uncomfortable even. I never moved houses growing up, but I would imagine that post-move, the memory of the first home gets tinted with a sort of nostalgic, sad vibe when you return to that house later in time. You left a little piece of yourself there after all. And this is almost what it felt like to return to that spot again. The grieving process started from that exact place in the grass along the river, long before my grandma’s passing.

A year ago I started to prepare myself to be strong, to feel like I was a part of the support even though I was 2189 miles away from home. A year ago the fragility of life became more clear to me. A year ago I learned how important it is to spend time with and say those I love you’s to those you care about.

But. I get too caught up sometimes with the diagnosis- the hard news. Because even though my grandma battled stage four lung cancer for a short ten weeks, it was in those ten weeks that I learned from her the most. Her strength through the pain, her optimism through each doctor’s appointment, but most importantly, her reliance and trust in God through it all. It was one day at a time for her, and each day was an opportunity for her to lean on and find healing in her savior. And it’s her resilience that strengthens me when I go through rough patches in my life. Her constant love and hugs for her children, for her grandchildren, and pretty much any other person that she came into contact with encourages me to show that same kind of love to those around me. They say that hard times bring people together, and I can certainly see how our family came even closer during those ten weeks and the time following her passing. We gathered to pray and encourage one another both through those ten weeks as well as after her passing. The love that people poured into our lives, especially toward me when I was at school,  was gathered up and stored deep within, leaving me feeling a little less lonely while I was separated from my family during this period of grieving.

The legacy my grandma left is a pretty grand one. She was a woman of compassion, of hugs, of hospitality. She would always let us grandchildren watch cartoons in her bed or make hot chocolate for us. She was a huge supporter at each grandchild’s band concerts, sports games, and graduations. She was known for her hugs. And I can only hope and pray to live the kind of life she did. To honor her legacy by loving the way she selflessly loved, to credit God with each blessing, to pray through both the good and the hard times in life, and to cherish the time I spend with those close to me.

A year has gone by since that initial diagnosis and about ten months has gone by since my grandma’s passing. I miss her hugs and I become sad when I remember that she will miss watching her grandchildren grow up. But she is still there with me. I’m reminded of her through certain hymns we sing, or when I watch cartoons, or even when I receive a hug. My grandma was an inspiration and her life and memory will be intricately woven through my own in the way I treat others and strengthen my trust in God. These next few months are going to be a little more tender, but it’s a clear indication of the positive impact my grandma has had on my life. Even though I can no longer see her face to face, I know that her legacy had found a home in my heart, reminding me of the ways I have have already grown in this past year and the steps I will continue to take in order to live a life like hers.