a eulogy:

i used to have a blog. well, i still do, but i’ve run out of words to string together. nothing in my head makes sense. at least not the kind of sense that is worth posting. my heart ticks on warmed coffee and memories of being held. i find comfort in my newly curated spotify playlists and sweats. the sweats i wear to class. to class. this is the first semester i have ever worn sweats to class.

i used to have a blog that i would write heartfelt things. inspirational and thought provoking things. but all i can find to write about now is how my tears leave little glitter rivers down my cheeks and the way my bed pulls me back into it’s reach after every class.

as a senior in college, people often ask me how school is going with COVID in the mix. to be honest, not well. familiarity is a hell of a drug (to quote a song from the band bestfriend) and its a pill that i cannot take in the morning. the unfamiliarity of a campus with limited community and nowhere to rest leaves me to spend countless hours wrapped in a blanket on my bedroom floor instead.

i know things aren’t hopeless. i know my mind likes to whisper lies to my heart. i know it will get better. but the clouds keep coming back and the shadows leave me so cold. my tears have been dried only to be collected for the rain.

i used to have a blog and this is my eulogy for it. i hope the clouds will dissipate and the words will return but for now i must lay it to rest.